Don't leave it to your lizard brain..

There is something about me which I've always despised..Inconsistency. When I started writing my own blog I wanted to write a lot..so much about myself..my life..but I ended up reading other people's blogs more during this time.. I apologise to the 'inner me'..It struggles so hard with the 'outer me' and is often so upset to loose..I wish I could do something about it..

I wish I could quiet the 'Lizard Brain'..guess what, a few weeks back I read this amazing post by Seth Godin (I absolutely love the compositions of this genius). He talks about the irrationality of human behaviour. Our contradictions never end when we say we want something and end up doing something totally different..

"When an athlete just does the sport, or when a writer just writes the words, we can't help but watch, astonished at the purity of their actions. Why is it so difficult to do what we say we're going to do?

The lizard brain.."

In another words it's the resistance as Seth describes, that tells us to back off many a times. It's like struggling with a gator and not winning..Perhaps not writing for so long has been a judgement given by my lizard brain..

The lizard brain as I have come to know of is our 'old brain' that sits at the base of the skull above our spine. My friends studying evolution might know this better. It's a part of the brain that plays the survival strategy, warns us, makes us compromise with situations, with people. Now, I think..for all those times when I refused to do something or may be adapt to something more easier/convenient in life..maybe I should blame it all on my lizard brain..OR is it just another excuse for all the resistance??

Talking of adjustments..for several days I had an eye on a popular restaurant in the vicinity. Loved their website and the ambience..I even overlooked the over priced menu and kept finding excuses to dine there. Finally I did so..and to my astonishment I discovered that most of the food we ordered, was awful! I have laughed over it...trust me I did. But deep down I felt embarassed, ashamed of wanting to be somewhere so much and not expecting what I have been so far..More so, cuz I had to make the choice with the restaurant tonight. So..where is the adjustment? well.. covering it all up with a laughter, a good sense of humor and saying..yeah..we DO need to gain experiences of all kind...good and bad. So..well..it was uh..huh..Cummmon...guess it's just one of those times when I kind of curse myself for making a wrong choice. This is a petty incident..bt that just got me thinking..all over again!

Lizard Brain or not..there is always a Choice.. Don't leave it to the reptile..leave it to the chromosomes that are all human :)

Kalika: redeemer of the universe

"Aj amavasya. Dur kahin resham se andhere mein khara hain ujala bujhe se saware mein/Taktaki bandhe vah shujye ko takta hain....voh jo andhere ka utsav manata hain..."

Long ago someone close to me had scribbled this on Diwali.. I dnt know why I carry it often with me..Today years have gone by..images of Kalipujo, Diwali with family, friends may not exist but the memories are sharp enough to pen down a blog.

India is studded with millions of festivals, Diwali being one of them...I have no idea if there was a real Ramchandra of Ayodhya who could truly inspire an entire kingdom to celebrate his return but what I know is this created a new reason for people to celebrate..naming it a festival of Light perhaps acknowledging the presence of darkness even more.

Again back to my days, Maa always told me that I was born on the day of Kalipuja. The surgeon had a strong humor, he had cut me loose before sunset and told my mom I wasn't born a blood sucking Dakini.. Goddess Kali is associated with darkness, violence, eternal energy and despite some evil cannotations she is believed to have one of the strongest forces in the universe.

If you ask me..as a child I have been scared of her, visualizing her black idol holding her tongue out with a garland of human heads and standing on Lord Shiva who seemed apparently dead. I mean why did she really have to do that..if Kalika is another form of Durga why should she be standing on her husband? This may sound funny but I always stood before her, prayed and told her to forgive my sins..god I was scared:(

Time did fly and I realized a lot more beyond the dark side of the goddess ..if she could really stand before me with a garland of criminal heads of people who have harmed mankind through war, violence, politics, making human beings the most dangerous predators on this planet, warding off all evil from within our souls ...Wow! people would forget about Halloween and even Lord Voldemort....Hats off to you Kalima for being the way you are...if you are doing your job, who cares what you look like?

Today and Yesterday

When I am not certain where to begin with I simply start with the present and the rest is recap.

I reside with my husband in the Greater Philadelphia region that covers a part of southern New Jersey...in short all I need is to cross river Delaware to enter Philly. Its a beautiful place like most parts of USA. I still remember my first visual of America..I had a flight from Heathrow to Chicago and the first time I spotted the 'land of opportunities' it was fall time, specifically Halloween. As I looked over the reds, browns and yellows the landscape was more like a painted canvas and all I could say was"wow"! There were never any fall colors back in India..fall in Kolkata (my hometown) was significant only by the end of a festival and beginning of another..will come to those later. There was ammmazing food throughout the year and winters was "pithe-payesh and cake" time for me.

I come from a very simple but loving family..never did I comprehend I would be in an International flight all by myself, never ever thought I could be fifteen thousand miles away from my parents. I was not over ambitious, I knew my limits and when I watched others around fly to the moon I was happy celebrating my Dad's birthday or give my mother a bear-hug:) The best part of being myself is I know how to be happy no matter where I am and what I do, although like everyone I have my bad moments..and lots of them. I guess I wasn't a bad student

topping in class, at times in College exams and although it hurts to see myself not doing what I deserve it isn't really that bad either as some people think.

I mean cummon, if you know you are a happy go lucky, lazy chimp you would be thrilled at the tiniest joy and you don't even want to make a list of your success and happiness and clarify cuz you know you are!

My journey from a small town in Bengal to Burlington has been a roller coaster ride not because I had a high profile but because I had a fairly low one..as I stand today spotting seagulls instead of crows, watching 30 Rock and not Ekhane akash neel, grabbing something from Burger King instead of Monginis (am sure any kolkattan reading this will know what am talking about) and zillions of more things to compare..I wonder many a times what I would be doing if I could run back "Home" right now.. missing people, every brick in my room, 'maacher jhol-bhaat' and even my toothbrush...I look into the mirror of today and this is what I literally find: I am here in my apartment writing this blog today but was actually shopping conches and shells in Andaman a year ago..!

Be heard

Somebody asked me why write a blog? What good could that possibly do? I began with an ummm...and then I knew I was a bit aimless. After all, this wasn't a blog targeted for people wanting to only know about the latest web 2.0 or about flicker and tons of api....

So here I am trying to speak my mind, something that dates back to my school days when I had this passion of talking to my diary like countless other folks around me. I always had my parents beside me, the best mom and dad in the world...always had someone to confide my secrets into..then why still a diary..I dunno maybe I just like to scribble or maybe just say things without being conscious.. but you know what the toughest part of having your diary is to be 'honest'. I never wrote things with the hope that someone may read it someday..infact I wished I could keep it in a safe, no matter how stupid it may seem :)

When I say am taking 'baby steps' I really mean it..I know people who achieve a lot too soon, forgetting the worth of the little milestones but I like to acknowledge at every step.

This is a place where I share with you what I haven't shared for a long time..the U and X turns of my life...just hope I don't make you sick!!

Here I am finally!

Gosh this feels absolutely great speaking my mind...:) I'm here to share plenty of experiences, things that life and time has taught me over the years, connect with people and much much more!